Cooking

To occupy my time and mind, to keep it from its downward spiral, to create a sense of importance and purpose where there is none, I decided to cook one thing a day. I don't really wish to imply that it takes a feeling of destitution to get me to cook because cooking is invaluable. To me, cooking is a great and noble sort of alchemy... a pure balance between science and art, an elusive, mysterious playtime with the dangerous and necessary forces of fire, matter, and the ether. I guess all this time to myself in a destitute state has finally gotten me inclined to face the ether... to fire the oven and stove-top, and dance with the fire. I also don't wish to imply that something like cooking can't lend one a sense of purpose. Most of commerce and business relies on the notion of value, on the suspended belief in a concept of money, rather than a currency of material resources. So it often is with a different sense of wealth and value... I attach value to having high profile jobs, or jobs with a selfless altruism, or jobs towards a noble goal, or jobs in the arts, or jobs that primarily utilize a stock of personal intelligence and indicate "i'm smart". And this whole idea of jobs really revolves around doing something that makes money. I am challenging this paradigm within myself, though, because as it stands I have no job, and therefore, considered myself without value. What gives my life purpose and importance without doing something that makes money? What gives my life purpose without even doing something? For instance, I see being a stay-at-home-mom as one of the most noble, altruistic, intelligence-requiring, challenging "jobs" there is, and that doesn't really corral the cash. Can I have this sense of purpose intrinsically? Regardless of what job I do, what activity I participate in, what money I make, what functions fill my day? What I think I must find the answer "yes" to is Am I valuable without activities, jobs, titles, roles, ect, ect? What gives someone a sense of value and purpose? How do you find it? Do you create it? Do you just believe it's true and then it becomes true?

Maybe tonight's coconut curry vegetable stir fry brought me a frying pan and finger burn closer to the answer... or did it just provoke the question? In any case, next time I am going to add the coconut curry sauce to the stir-fry sooner, as to retain the vegetable's color and crunch better. I will also add the bean sprouts and carrots after the sauce, for an even briefer cook time. The rice turned out alright. Following the directions worked. All in all, the taste was pleasant. The next round in this meal might be to do the coconut curry sauce myself, instead of from a free sample packet. I want to make meals that are as alive as possible... that are from fresh sources... that are of "whole" foods... bascially the least amount of steps and ingredients between the earth and my mouth as tastefully possible. This will take time, but I get one step closer each day. Tomorrow I will try cookies from scratch again... with new measuring cups I will perfect the ratio of flour to sugars and so forth, with dark chocolate chips I will sophisticate the flavor and avoid sweetness saturation, with accurate timer setting, I will better judge their done-ness, and with this being my second shot, I will approach the task much more prepared, as an experienced baker.